Sports

An example of the type of defibrillator soon to be found around Glasgow

Celtic Pubs to Get Defibrillators

‘Celtic pubs’ across the country are to get defibrillators installed on premises after the risk of heart attacks rose approximately 7400% while Celtic were playing Hapoel Beer Sheva in the second leg of their UEFA…

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Andy Murray sees a wasp during the final in Rio

Andy Murray Now in Contention to Be Dunblane’s Greatest Olympian

After winning another gold medal in men’s singles tennis at Rio 2016, the word on the street is that Andy Murray can now be taken seriously when considering Dunblane’s greatest ever Olympians. Andy Murray defeated…

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An artist's impression of what some have deemed 'potentially provocative'

Celtic Request Pre-Emptive Fine from UEFA Ahead of Israel Match

Celtic have asked UEFA to start disciplinary proceedings against them ahead of their Champions League play-off tie against Hapoel Beer-Sheva from Israel, as Celtic supporters begin construction of a pro-Palestine pyrotechnic and gymnastic extravaganza that…

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The Zika Virus has opened its doors in Scotland

Scotland Gets Into the Olympics Mood by Contracting Zika

Scotland has embraced the culture and mood of the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro by contracting the infectious virus Zika. Commentators around the country have been impressed by the effort required to make…

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Child-friendly Partick Thistle mascot Kingsley

Man Not Pretending to Support Partick Thistle

The Haggis Times can exclusively reveal that it has discovered a genuine Partick Thistle supporter. We met James McKenzie, 58, a seasoned bar man, who had the following to say: “It’s been quite a hurtful…

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Celtic travel to Asia to face FC Astana

European Football: Celtic Draw Team From Asia

Scottish champions Celtic have booked themselves a tie in the UEFA Champions League 3rd Qualifying Round against FC Astana of Kazakhstan. FC Astana scraped through to the 3rd Qualifying Round after putting Lithuanian champions FK…

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Golf in Scotland

Scotland is Golf’s Highest Difficulty Setting

Playing in Scotland has been officially confirmed as Golf’s highest difficulty level by the Board of Golf. While always held as the de-facto gold standard of difficult golf in popular discourse, the confirmation, found on…

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