Scenes of Horrible Chaos - Snowfall in Glasgow

Scotland Prepares to Capitulate at Unexpected Annual Snowfall

Councils across Scotland are preparing to utilise snowfall to inflict chaos on their constituents as forecasters forecast a ‘polar plume’ for the country. The Haggis Times has been alerted that councils are well-placed to live…

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A table of moderately appetising scones.

Scone Referendum Settles Pronunciation Debate for a Generation

The recent scone pronunciation referendum result is in: sense has prevailed. Scotland continues to lead the way in correct pronunciation of scone, which is to rhyme with ‘gone’, and has saved the UK from a…


Analysis shows Scots may be eating salad. Example of 'salad' provided.

Scots Are Eating Salad in Secret

Market analysis has revealed that a proportion of Scots must be eating salad, despite nationwide denial of the activity. The Haggis Times were given access to Morrisons’ annual sales records and found that certain vegetables…


Volvic Water is “Orange and Proud”

Volvic water has today confirmed that it despises Catholics. It has also strenuously denied rumours the advertising campaign proclaiming their hatred will have the plug pulled across Scotland and Ireland. William Findlay, PR manager at…


Andy Murray sees a wasp during the final in Rio

Andy Murray Now in Contention to Be Dunblane’s Greatest Olympian

After winning another gold medal in men’s singles tennis at Rio 2016, the word on the street is that Andy Murray can now be taken seriously when considering Dunblane’s greatest ever Olympians. Andy Murray defeated…


NHS Chiefs have slammed proposals to make going on holiday easier

The SNP are trying to kill Scots, says NHS

As also reported by the Herald, anonymous health chiefs have warned that the SNP’s nefarious plot to cut airline taxes will kill an untold number of Scots. NHS Health Scotland’s response, to the Scottish Government…