Health

Analysis shows Scots may be eating salad. Example of 'salad' provided.

Scots Are Eating Salad in Secret

Market analysis has revealed that a proportion of Scots must be eating salad, despite nationwide denial of the activity. The Haggis Times were given access to Morrisons’ annual sales records and found that certain vegetables…

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An example of the type of defibrillator soon to be found around Glasgow

Celtic Pubs to Get Defibrillators

‘Celtic pubs’ across the country are to get defibrillators installed on premises after the risk of heart attacks rose approximately 7400% while Celtic were playing Hapoel Beer Sheva in the second leg of their UEFA…

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The staunch advert as seen on Argyle Street

Volvic Water is “Orange and Proud”

Volvic water has today confirmed that it despises Catholics. It has also strenuously denied rumours the advertising campaign proclaiming their hatred will have the plug pulled across Scotland and Ireland. William Findlay, PR manager at…

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The Zika Virus has opened its doors in Scotland

Scotland Gets Into the Olympics Mood by Contracting Zika

Scotland has embraced the culture and mood of the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro by contracting the infectious virus Zika. Commentators around the country have been impressed by the effort required to make…

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NHS Chiefs have slammed proposals to make going on holiday easier

The SNP are trying to kill Scots, says NHS

As also reported by the Herald, anonymous health chiefs have warned that the SNP’s nefarious plot to cut airline taxes will kill an untold number of Scots. NHS Health Scotland’s response, to the Scottish Government…

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A traditional Scottish Fry Up is proven to make you happier

Scots Top Table for Quality of Life

While Scotland has been flagging for some time in the life-expectancy tables, a new study reveals that Scotland is top of the table for quality of life. Researchers at the University of Robert Burns completed…

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