A table of moderately appetising scones.

Scone Referendum Settles Pronunciation Debate for a Generation

The recent scone pronunciation referendum result is in: sense has prevailed. Scotland continues to lead the way in correct pronunciation of scone, which is to rhyme with ‘gone’, and has saved the UK from a…

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Analysis shows Scots may be eating salad. Example of 'salad' provided.

Scots Are Eating Salad in Secret

Market analysis has revealed that a proportion of Scots must be eating salad, despite nationwide denial of the activity. The Haggis Times were given access to Morrisons’ annual sales records and found that certain vegetables…


Volvic Water is “Orange and Proud”

Volvic water has today confirmed that it despises Catholics. It has also strenuously denied rumours the advertising campaign proclaiming their hatred will have the plug pulled across Scotland and Ireland. William Findlay, PR manager at…


Anthropologists are interviewing and psychologically assessing Glaswegians

Anthropologists Jet In To Study Glaswegians’ Obsession with Nando’s

Up until now, there has been no attempt to understand the unreasonable obsession Glaswegians have with Nando’s, but that’s all about to change. Anthropologists from the University of Amsterdam have arrived to begin their study…