Crime

A man had an incident over sitting down in DFS

Man Confused by Ejection From DFS After He ‘Just Wanted a Seat’

William Wright was last week left dazed and confused after he was forcibly ejected from a DFS store in Newcraighall, Edinburgh while “just wanting a seat”. Mr Wright informed The Haggis Times that he’d become…

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Oxgangs Primary school in Edinburgh was damaged in a storm

Scottish School Walls ‘Made out of LEGO’

Freedom of Information requests have revealed that the spate of Scottish schools closing due to collapsing walls is because they were secretly made of Lego. The Haggis Times submitted the request after Lego was spotted…

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Graffiti on a police station

Vandal Gets His ABCs Wrong Outside Police Station

Police Officers were spotted laughing at graffiti which appeared overnight on a police station wall, where ‘ABC’ was comically misspelt ‘ACAB’ by accident. Illiteracy amongst vandals and graffiti artists is allegedly growing, and it has…

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An artist's impression of what some have deemed 'potentially provocative'

Celtic Request Pre-Emptive Fine from UEFA Ahead of Israel Match

Celtic have asked UEFA to start disciplinary proceedings against them ahead of their Champions League play-off tie against Hapoel Beer-Sheva from Israel, as Celtic supporters begin construction of a pro-Palestine pyrotechnic and gymnastic extravaganza that…

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Police confirm that pulling off the brazen heist deserves plaudits, not cuffs.

T In The Park ATM thieves ‘Deserve The Cash’, say Police Scotland

Police Scotland have announced that while they can never condone stealing a 200lb ATM filled with tens of thousands of pounds in front of hundreds of witnesses, it is so impressive a feat that it’s…

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