Councils across Scotland are preparing to utilise snowfall to inflict chaos on their constituents as forecasters forecast a ‘polar plume’ for the country.
The Haggis Times has been alerted that councils are well-placed to live up to their reputations, having neglected to stock an appropriate amount of salt and grit for the roads, with bonus trial runs of forgetting to keep public buildings’ pipes warmed forcing them to close having gone successfully in recent weeks. Sources close to The Haggis Times also confirm that councils have been working closely with public transport bosses to place an inordinate amount of leaves on train tracks before the snow arrives, causing dozens of train routes to be gleefully cancelled, but only at the very last minute.
Glasgow bus drivers are allegedly planning to unexpectedly adhere to their schedule, causing chaos as people miss their-usually-later buses.
An unnamed source at one of Scotland’s largest councils commented “Look, it’s kind of difficult to keep things running smoothly, and much more amusing for it to go tits up. My suggestion is to use the opportunity to not show up for work, have a snowball fight, and take some cool pictures. None of our jobs are actually all that important anyway.”Share