Andy Murray Now in Contention to Be Dunblane’s Greatest Olympian

Andy Murray sees a wasp during the final in RioAndy Murray sees a Zika Mosquito during the final in Rio

After winning another gold medal in men’s singles tennis at Rio 2016, the word on the street is that Andy Murray can now be taken seriously when considering Dunblane’s greatest ever Olympians.

Andy Murray defeated Argentine cyborg, Del ‘Derek’ Potro, in what could be best described as a game of tennis. Numerous times, the tennis ball was hit over the net into the other side of the court, causing much reaction within the crowd, which commentators noted were mysteriously anti-Argentine. Rules dictated that Andy Murray ultimately did this better, winning with multiple scorelines in an indecipherable scoring system that legend says only a select band of elders can interpret.

The Haggis Times were stopped from interviewing the now two-time gold winner by Team GB’s management, who were apparently fearful our presence might prompt Murray to again speak out on his thoughts that he’d much rather be representing an independent Scotland, and lamenting that he’s only referred to as Scottish when he loses. Our telepathic connection, however, confirms this is indeed is what would have happened, and that he also had a ‘See You Jimmy’ hat at the ready for such a proclamation.

We at the Haggis Times wish to congratulate Andy Murray on his remarkable achievement.

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