Vandal Gets His ABCs Wrong Outside Police Station

Graffiti on a police stationThe graffiti was also accompanied by an upside down, bulbous T shape which has stumped coppers

Police Officers were spotted laughing at graffiti which appeared overnight on a police station wall, where ‘ABC’ was comically misspelt ‘ACAB’ by accident.

Illiteracy amongst vandals and graffiti artists is allegedly growing, and it has started to worry officers of Police Scotland.

We interviewed PC Newton while he refilled his pepper spray for the fourth time since Monday, who had the following to say: “We have always understood that the type of offender who deigns it appropriate to graffiti simplistic and childish messages on walls is usually of the more ignorant variety, but growing failure over the years to even graffiti something as fundamental as “ABC” correctly, one of the very first thing you learn in education, means I have genuine concern over the state of education in this country. Knowledge is power.”

PC Newton’s colleagues also commented off the record, that if their staffing figures were not, as they described, at ‘breaking point’ they would perhaps be able to embark on an ‘aggressive re-education agenda’. However, the Haggis Times’ crack squad of investigators have discovered that police officer figures are in fact over 1000 greater than they were at this point in 2006, bolstering rumours that Police Scotland are indeed attempting to build numbers to increase their talent pool for the annual Coppers vs Prisoners football match. Statistics show that the large number of convicts, many guilty of peddling a notorious Class B drug laced with Tetrahydrocannabinol (known by its hard users by its ancient Hellenic name ‘Cannabis’) or of singing rude things at a football match, has caused an imbalance in the fixture.


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