Man Not Pretending to Support Partick Thistle

Child-friendly Partick Thistle mascot KingsleyChild-friendly Partick Thistle mascot Kingsley

The Haggis Times can exclusively reveal that it has discovered a genuine Partick Thistle supporter.

We met James McKenzie, 58, a seasoned bar man, who had the following to say: “It’s been quite a hurtful realisation that every time I’ve mentioned I support Partick Thistle, people think I’ve been playing coy. 58 years of my life people have been thinking I’m just joking, trying to avoid a fight — and I had no idea. Have you ever seen The Sixth Sense? Well, this is like my personal version of that. I’m still shook up to be quite honest. I only realised two weeks ago when a kind gentleman dressed to the nines in his tracksuit told me I could be honest with him, and that he wasn’t going to beat me up for disclosing my true support.”

Investigation by the Haggis Times has revealed that there are up to 10,000 such supporters in McKenzie’s position, living among us day-to-day. However, there is no reason to get excited that you might meet one in the wild, as analysis shows that means fewer than 1% of those who claim to support Partick Thistle actually do, confirming the validity of the assumption.

McKenzie is moving on with his life post-revelation and new-found fame, and is applying to be the next Kingsley, the world famous mascot of Partick Thistle, which rumour has it currently contains a Celtic supporter inside.


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