Up until now, there has been no attempt to understand the unreasonable obsession Glaswegians have with Nando’s, but that’s all about to change.
Anthropologists from the University of Amsterdam have arrived to begin their study on why the average Glaswegian visits Nando’s 8 times a month, and ostracizes those who have consistently chosen superior alternatives throughout their lives as “Nando’s virgins”.
Kirk Knox, 24, is one man who has been interviewed by the crack team from Amsterdam. He recounts to our reporter, “I was stupid one time, and blurted out to a bunch of guys at a football match that I’d never been to Nando’s. They started goin’ aff their heeds and, calling me a Nando’s Virgin, a nonce, and a clean shirt. I explained to them, I just don’t get it. I can get a whole organic chicken from Marks & Spencer’s, drizzle it with some of my home-made horseradish sauce from Waitrose, and then douse it in hydrochloric acid to simulate the infamous ‘Nando’s kick”. Unfortunately, that was the last time I was a Nando’s virgin, as after I was defiled with chicken in ways no man or woman should ever be.”
We asked Aart van de Vaart on whether his team believed there was any truth to the rumour a ‘cheeky Nando’s’ was code for heroin, and that Nando’s was the inspiration for Los Pollos Hermanos, the chicken shop front for a massive Meth ring in the TV series ‘Breaking Bad’. Mr Van de Vaart had no comment to make, and power walked away.Share