Glasgow Bus Drivers’ Reign of Terror “Is Escalating”

A bus driver in Glasgow pulls over to dish out some abuse.A bus driver in Glasgow pulls over to dish out some abuse.

The decades-long Reign of Terror meted out by the infamously sadistic bus drivers of Glasgow has been observed as ‘increasing in ferocity’ by an ongoing study at the University of Robert Burns.

The study outlines how abuse by drivers used to be confined to passive aggressiveness, strategic non-compliance and pretending not to understand you, but is now increasingly being characterised by more active and inventive abuse.

Long-time graduate student and layabout, Alan Ferguson, 35, who has been involved in the study had the following to say: “The evidence is unequivocal — the abuse is escalating. However, you don’t need to be running a study to have observed that. One of our main aims is to try to delve into the psyche of the Glasgow Bus Driver and understand their motivations and what makes them the way they are. Our most promising theory to explain the increase in abuse inflicted by bus drivers suggests that bus drivers are concerned that the public of Glasgow and surrounding areas have surrendered and just become adjusted to the level of abuse to which they are subjected, and as such, the abuse must increase in ferocity to maintain the gratification the drivers receive.”

Recently reported examples of the expanding repertoire of aggravation include:

  • Rejecting bus passes because the photo features a different length of hair on the passenger.
  • Strategic placement and photobombing, e.g:
  • In a move reminiscent of the Keanu Reeves film ‘Speed’, buses are now moving faster so that Pokemon Go players can’t clock up ‘walking time’, which is used to hatch eggs. Counterintuively, this has not helped buses adhere to the timetable any better.
  • Drive-by attacks against pedestrians on the pavement with the unnecessarily protruding wing mirrors.
  • Deliberately driving into potholes to unsettle pensioners.
  • Rejecting passengers with large bags because ‘who knows what might be inside that?’.
  • Turning up the heating during heat waves.

Mr Ferguson continued, “We intend to have more information available to the public soon. We are currently running getting ready to run our own version of the Stanford Prison Experiment, except with driving a bus in Glasgow instead of running a prison. We want to find out if regular people naturally tend to do terrible things when driving a bus in Glasgow, or whether the role inherently attracts an antisocial personality. The hypothesis at the moment is the latter.”


1 Comment on "Glasgow Bus Drivers’ Reign of Terror “Is Escalating”"

  1. The article missed an important tool in their neferious arsenal. When you try to show them your Day ticket getting on.

    Try and hand it to them and they give you the, “What’s the matter with you. Why are you daring to put that near me? Just get on” look. But then next with another driver, try and just give it a quick show and you’ll get the, “What’s the matter with you. Where do you think youre going. You’re supposed to hand it to the driver for close inspection” gesture.

    I swear they deliberately do it.

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