Pilots ‘May Have to Start Drinking During Flights’

Facebook photos of the Pilots in QuestionFacebook photos of the Pilots in Question

The recent exposé by ‘fun-hating’ flight attendants who landed two Canadian pilots in hot water at Glasgow Aiport has caused uproar in the pilot community.

Although there has been no official word from the two pilots involved, who have been refused bail and are remanded in custody,  other pilots have spoken out in the aftermath of the incident. One pilot, Greg Best, who asked not to be named, accidentally spat in our reporter’s face as he slurred “This is just jealousy from flight attendants! If I had to guess, it’s just that these pilots weren’t willing to sleep with them”, referring to the much rumoured pilot-attendant orgies, where attendants allegedly insist that pilots keep their uniforms on.

Veteran pilot, Aldridge Eagle, who’s clocked over 90 hours in his career at RyanAir, had the following to say, “I for one condemn these pilots. The Simpsons episode ‘Maximum Homerdrive’ was actually inspired by pilots, not truckers, who are still a few years away from self-driving trucks, but it accurately portrays how the community works, and it’s one that furiously furrows its brows on flaunting the fact we just sit there and get pissed as the plane follows the route it’s been pre-programmed to do. Incidents like this, where we can’t count on flight attendants enabling our alcoholism, might mean we have to stop with the pre-drinks.”

The airline involved in the incident was forced to offer a £1.50 airport voucher to each passenger to make up for the 20-hour flight delay as they attempted to source pilots who did not immediately appear to be drunk.


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