European Football: Celtic Draw Team From Asia

Celtic travel to Asia to face FC AstanaCeltic travel to Asia to face FC Astana

Scottish champions Celtic have booked themselves a tie in the UEFA Champions League 3rd Qualifying Round against FC Astana of Kazakhstan.

FC Astana scraped through to the 3rd Qualifying Round after putting Lithuanian champions FK Zalgiris to the sword with a last-minute goal and thus winning on the Scored-More-Goals Rule.

Celtic meanwhile turned around a tie against part-time demonic satanists from Gibraltar, Lincoln Red Imps, who had made use of their right to use black magic in their home leg last week to take an unexpected lead over Celtic, who have publicly claimed to actually play football for a living.

Celtic had attempted to make use of a commune with a weather god for their home tie, but it was not very effective, as it was mistimed. The Celts however, did not need to rely on this as they quickly put themselves in front with 3 goals in the space of a 6 minute patch in the first half, the first goal an accident from when Lustig’s leg fell off and smacked the ball past the goalkeeper, also a taxi driver.

The 3rd Qualifying Round tie will be played in Kazakhstan first, where Celtic will attempt to at least clinch an away goal. Celtic have had to lock horns in the past with fellow Kazakhs, Shakhter Karagandy, who defeated Celtic 2-0 after performing an unholy sheep sacrifice ritual on the pitch before the game. Celtic however were able to win the tie overall when they defeated them 3-0 at Paradise, where ritual sheep slaughter is forbidden.

Supporters looking to travel to the match on the 26th/27th of July can make use of the directions provided below:
From Celtic Park. Distance: 3,922 miles. 70 hours non-stop.
Glasgow G40 3RE, United Kingdom
Get on M74
8 min (2.3 mi)
Head south on Clyde Gateway/A728
0.2 mi
Turn left onto London Rd/A74
1.8 mi
At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto the M74 slip road to M73/Stirling/Edinburgh/Carlisle
0.2 mi
Continue on M74. Take A74(M), M6, A66, A1(M) … and M20 to Vehicle Departure Rd in Kent. Take exit 11A from M20
7 h 15 min (456 mi)
Merge onto M74
35.0 mi
Continue onto A74(M)
45.5 mi
Continue onto M6
28.1 mi
At junction 40, take the A66 exit to Penrith/Keswick/Brough
0.2 mi
At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto A66
0.7 mi
At the roundabout, take the 3rd exit and stay on A66
33.4 mi
Keep right to stay on A66
15.4 mi
At the roundabout, take the 3rd exit onto the A1 slip road to Catterick/Garrison
0.5 mi
Merge onto A1
10.4 mi
Continue onto A1(M)
36.8 mi
Keep left at the fork to stay on A1(M)
10.6 mi
Continue onto A1
7.7 mi
Continue onto A1(M) (signs for Red House/The South/M18/M1)
15.5 mi
Continue onto A1
43.8 mi
Continue straight onto Great N Rd/A1
Continue to follow A1
28.7 mi
Continue onto A1(M) (signs for London)
11.3 mi
Keep left at the fork to stay on A1(M), follow signs for A14/London(E)/Huntingdon/M11/Cambridge/Stansted/Airport
1.1 mi
Continue onto A14
15.8 mi
Keep right to continue on M11, follow signs for London
42.0 mi
Use the left 2 lanes to merge onto M25 towards D’ford/M20
15.9 mi
Keep right to stay on M25
0.8 mi
Continue onto A282
Partial toll road
4.6 mi
Continue straight onto M25 (signs for Dover/M20/Channel Tunnel/M23)
2.7 mi
Take the exit onto M20
48.0 mi
At junction 11A, Use the left 2 lanes to exit towards Channel Tunnel
1.1 mi
Follow Vehicle Departure Rd to Channel Tunnel
9 min (1.1 mi)
Continue onto Vehicle Departure Rd
1.1 mi
Turn left
331 ft
Slight right
95 ft
Take the Channel Tunnel train to Coquelles
Entering France
56 min (33.9 mi)
Get on A16 in Calais from Avenue de France
4 min (1.7 mi)
Sharp right
404 ft
Turn right
0.7 mi
Keep left to continue on Avenue de France
0.5 mi
Keep right at the fork and merge onto A16
0.4 mi
Continue on A16. Drive from E40, E17, E34, A67 … and а/д Волга/E22/М-7 to Республика Башкортостан, Россия. Take the exit from P240
45 h (2,552 mi)
Merge onto A16
Entering Belgium
35.1 mi
Continue onto E40
56.4 mi
At the Zwijnaarde junction, Use the right 2 lanes to follow signs for E17 towards Gent/Antwerpen
1.2 mi
Keep left, follow signs for Gent-Centrum/B401
0.1 mi
At the Gent-Centrum junction, Use the right 2 lanes to follow signs for E17 towards Antwerpen/Haven 1-6990
31.3 mi
Continue onto E34
5.1 mi
Keep right at the fork to stay on E34, follow signs for E313/Luik/Hasselt/Eindhoven/Turnhout
5.8 mi
Keep right at the fork to stay on E34, follow signs for Eindhoven/Turnhout
Entering the Netherlands
30.2 mi
Continue onto A67/E34
14.0 mi
Keep right at the fork to continue on A67/E34, follow signs for Venlo/Duisburg
Entering Germany
32.5 mi
Continue onto A40/E34
26.4 mi
At the 14-Kreuz Kaiserberg junction, Use the right lane to follow signs for A3 towards Hannover/Arnheim
7.6 mi
Keep left to continue on E34
0.4 mi
Continue onto A2
150 mi
Keep left at the fork to stay on A2, follow signs for Berlin/Hannover/Langenhagen/Messe
14.0 mi
Keep left to stay on A2
130 mi
A2 turns slightly left and becomes A10
4.4 mi
Use the left 2 lanes to take the A10 exit
0.7 mi
Continue onto A10
6.4 mi
Keep left at the fork to stay on A10
28.8 mi
Use the right 2 lanes to take the A12 exit towards Warschau/Warszawa/Frankfurt
1.0 mi
Continue onto A12
Entering Poland
35.5 mi
Continue onto A2
Partial toll road
225 mi
Keep left to stay on A2
57.0 mi
At the Konotopa junction, Use the right 2 lanes to follow signs for E77/S8/E67 towards S7/Gdańsk/Centrum/Warszawa/Praga Płn./Białystok
0.7 mi
Continue onto E67/E77/S8
Continue to follow E67/S8
13.6 mi
Continue onto Aleja Marszałka Józefa Piłsudskiego/DK8/E67
Continue to follow DK8
7.0 mi
Continue onto S8 (signs for Białystok)
22.7 mi
Continue onto DK8
17.9 mi
Continue onto E67/S8 (signs for Białystok)
4.9 mi
Continue onto DK8/E67
14.5 mi
Continue onto S8
6.8 mi
Continue onto DK8
2.0 mi
Turn right to stay on DK8
16.1 mi
Continue onto S8
14.0 mi
Continue onto DK8
1.3 mi
Turn left onto Generała Franciszka Kleeberga/DK8
Continue to follow DK8
3.8 mi
Continue onto Generała Stanisława Maczka/DK65
Continue to follow DK65
2.4 mi
Keep left to stay on DK65
2.0 mi
At rondo Powstania Styczniowego, take the 3rd exit onto Baranowicka/DK65
1.2 mi
At Rondo Księdza Wojciecha Pełkowskiego, take the 2nd exit and stay on Baranowicka/DK65
Continue to follow DK65
25.9 mi
Slight right to stay on DK65
Entering Belarus
1.7 mi
Continue onto Р99
22.8 mi
Slight right to stay on Р99
3.7 mi
At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit and stay on Р99
35.0 mi
At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit and stay on Р99
21.1 mi
Turn left onto Р2/Р99
3.3 mi
Take the slip road onto E30/M1
74.8 mi
Keep right to stay on E30/M1
155 mi
Continue straight to stay on E30/M1
Entering Russia
23.0 mi
Continue straight to stay on E30/M1
Continue to follow M1
261 mi
Use the right 2 lanes to take the Mockba slip road
Toll road
12.6 mi
Use any lane to take the exit towards ПСКОВ/М9/РУБЛЁВСКОЕ ш./МКАД-СЕВЕР
Toll road
0.6 mi
Merge onto МКАД
15.2 mi
Keep left to stay on МКАД
16.6 mi
Take exit 0 for М7 towards БАЛАШИХА/N. Novgorod/Н. НОВГОРОД
0.5 mi
Turn right onto а/д Волга/E22/М-7
84.3 mi
Continue onto просп. Ленина
1.3 mi
Continue onto а/д Волга/ул. Мира/ш. Горьковское/E22/М-7
Continue to follow а/д Волга/ш. Горьковское/E22/М-7
9.6 mi
Take the slip road to а/д Волга/E22/М-7
33.6 mi
Keep right at the fork and merge onto а/д Волга/E22/М-7
116 mi
Turn right to stay on а/д Волга/E22/М-7 (signs for CAPAHCK/КАЗАНЬ/KAZAN)
0.2 mi
At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto а/д Волга/ул. Кузбасская/E22/М-7
Continue to follow а/д Волга/E22/М-7
15.0 mi
Use any lane to turn slightly right onto а/д Волга/ул. Советская
Continue to follow а/д Волга
152 mi
At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto а/д Волга/ш. Казанское/E22/М-7
Continue to follow ш. Казанское
0.6 mi
Continue onto а/д Волга/E22/М-7
24.0 mi
Continue straight to stay on а/д Волга/E22/М-7
21.4 mi
Keep left to stay on а/д Волга/E22/М-7
14.4 mi
Keep left to stay on а/д Волга/E22/М-7
Continue to follow а/д Волга/М-7
169 mi
Turn right towards Орловское кольцо
177 ft
Use any lane to turn slightly right onto Орловское кольцо
282 ft
Slight right onto Мензелинский тракт/а/д Волга/ш. Автодорога номер 1/М-7
2.1 mi
At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Мензелинский тракт/а/д Волга/М-7
1.5 mi
At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto а/д Волга/ул. Металлургическая/М-7
1.6 mi
Turn right onto а/д Волга/М-7
135 mi
Turn right (signs for ЧИШМЫ/ШИШМӘ)
7.3 mi
Turn left
5.0 mi
Turn right
0.4 mi
Turn right
2.5 mi
Turn right onto а/д Волга/М-7
14.7 mi
Turn right to merge onto Западный обход город Уфы.
16.8 mi
Use the right lane to take the slip road to ӨФӨ/УФА/СИЛӘБЕ/ЧЕЛЯБИНСК
0.2 mi
Merge onto а/д Урал/Е30/М5
8.4 mi
Turn right onto the slip road to ОРЕНБУРГ/ЫРЫМБУР
0.3 mi
Merge onto P240
10.8 mi
Take the exit
0.1 mi
Keep right at the fork, follow signs for БЕЛОРЕТ/БЕЛОРЕЦК
0.3 mi
Take Р316, Объезд города Магнитогорск and Р360 to E123/А-310 in Челябинская область
5 h 54 min (320 mi)
Keep left
126 mi
Continue onto Р316
1.7 mi
Turn left to stay on Р316
3.5 mi
Turn right onto Объездная Белорецк
6.0 mi
Continue onto Р316
36.3 mi
Continue onto ш. Белорецкое
177 ft
Take the exit towards ВЕРХНЕУРАЛЬСК/ЮЖНОУРАЛЬСК
0.2 mi
Merge onto Объезд города Магнитогорск
30.4 mi
Turn right onto the slip road to ЮЖНОУРАЛЬСК
0.2 mi
Merge onto Р360
68.4 mi
Use the right 2 lanes to turn right
13.0 mi
At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit
34.3 mi
Follow M-36, R-265 and R-263 to R-262 in Akmola Region, Kazakhstan
6 h 8 min (299 mi)
At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto E123/А-310
0.8 mi
Turn right to stay on E123/А-310 (signs for КУСТАНАЙ)
Entering Kazakhstan
8.6 mi
Continue onto M-36
Pass by Таможенный пункт Каерак (on the right in 0.4 mi)
106 mi
At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto Gagarin Street/M-36
Pass by “Оружейная палата” (on the right in 1.3 mi)
1.8 mi
Turn right at ИНИКОМ — разработка Веб-сайтов onto Abay Ave/M-36
0.3 mi
Turn left onto Победы көшесі/ул. Победы
0.2 mi
Turn right onto Kairbekov St
0.4 mi
Turn left onto Taran Street/M-36
Continue to follow M-36
Pass by Обувная фабрика (on the right)
2.0 mi
At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto R-265
65.0 mi
Turn left onto R-263
102 mi
At the roundabout, take the 1st exit
0.1 mi
Sharp left onto A-16
397 ft
Turn right to stay on A-16
11.1 mi
Follow R-262 to M-36 in Zhaksy
44 min (39.8 mi)
Continue straight onto R-262
Go past the petrol_station (on the left)
0.2 mi
Keep right to stay on R-262
Go past the petrol_station (on the left)
39.6 mi
Follow M-36 to Shabal Beysekova St in Astana
4 h (210 mi)
Continue onto M-36
54.3 mi
Turn right to stay on M-36
2.1 mi
Turn left to stay on M-36
67.7 mi
Turn right to stay on M-36
Go past the petrol_station (on the right in 8.8 mi)
86.1 mi
Continue on Shabal Beysekova St to your destination
14 min (7.0 mi)
Turn right onto Shabal Beysekova St
2.3 mi
Continue onto Chingghis Aitmatov St
1.1 mi
Turn left onto Syghanaq St
Pass by Korkem Tower (on the right)
1.8 mi
Turn right onto Turan Ave
1.4 mi
Turn left
121 ft
Turn left at the 2nd cross street
0.2 mi
Turn right
0.2 mi
Астана-Арена
Arrive at: проспект Кабанбай Батыра, Астана, Kazakhstan

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